


dive

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Gabi is Eren and Reiner knows it, Gen, Guilt, eren can't hate reiner really, spoilers up to chapter 100
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-06-25 13:56:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19747123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Reiner would never do something like that... He's like everybody's older brother."It's almost the endgame; but it's still hard to face who you're up against.(In which, Eren and Reiner still can't come to terms with being enemies with each other.)





	1. ice

"Do you need help with that?"  
Eren shuffles his feet around to scowl at Reiner's sarcasm, but breaks into a grin at the absurd situation he's been caught in. "I wouldn't mind, actually," he pants, struggling not to drop the metal equipment on his toes and break them.  
Reiner lifts the other end of the stand with ease, relieving Eren of its weight, and helps him take it all the way to storage. He can't get over how bizarrely strong Reiner is, maybe even stronger than Mikasa.  
They drop it on the stone floor with a grunt. "Hey, careful! Almost took my toes out."  
"Oh, sorry…"  
Wiping his forehead with the back of his hand, Reiner glances at Eren. "Heard you got into another fight with Jean."  
"Yeah…" he trails off, until Reiner barks with a short burst of laughter and he feels defensive. "It wasn't even a proper fight or anything, but you know what the Instructor is like."  
"Lucky you two, getting to pack up all the training equipment. Can't believe they gave you two runts that job."  
Eren kicks the dirt as he scuffles out of the storage room.  
Reiner trots after him. "Came out here because I didn't want you two breaking the equipment, you know. Slowing us all down on our way to the MPs."  
The dusk Eren squints into tastes of warm sand and sore muscles. He side-eyes Reiner as he walks. "Did you come out here to help me?"  
Heaving up another metal swing, Reiner grunts. "Both of you. If I don't look out for you idiots, who's gonna?"  
They huff and puff wordlessly for another few minutes, the soft whistling wind and metal scraping across the floor.  
Reiner squints across the training court at the figure of Jean in the distance, struggling pathetically with the equipment. "I gotta go help him. He's as almost as useless as you."  
"You can do that. I'm not talking to that asshole."  
"Ah, I thought you said it wasn't that serious…"  
"Doesn't make him any less of an asshole."  
Reiner laughs. "Come on, Eren. Kiss and make up."  
Somehow, whatever Reiner said always came with the warmth of friendship, the promise of brotherhood. Eren folds his arms across his chest and rolls his eyes, but still struts loyally behind Reiner. He's the only one who's ever been able to play peacekeeper, even more than Krista, largely because of how much respect everyone held for him. Even Eren himself, his young, naive, stubborn self, viewed him with such high regard. Halfway between a brother and an idol.

That's Eren's waking thought today. He doesn't remember waking up, only staring at the sunlit ceiling. Did he dream this? Or remember it?  
He quiety moans in pain as he slides out of the hospital bed. The longer he refrains from healing, the more he aches.  
Reiner hasn't changed. He knows from the way the little boy's eyes, Falco's, glimmer with admiration when he speaks of him. It's a struggle to slip his arm through the sleeve of his gown using his stump of an arm, but he refuses to call for help - not because of his ego, he's long since outgrown his childish habits, but because he knows he doesn't deserve the help.

Down to the end, Reiner always outshone him. Eren precariously hoists himself up on his crutches, making his way to the bathroom. They aren't so different, he and Reiner. Two lost men, struggling to protect themselves in this cruel world.  
As the beams of dawn's sunlight prod at Eren's face through the corrugated glass he shuffles past, he smiles bitterly. If they'd lived under different circumstances, if their lives hadn't been so merciless, Eren knows they'd have been good friends.  
Brothers, even.  
But he'll have to spill Reiner's blood, or Reiner spill his, so this isn't the time to reminisce about his enemy. He leans against the door of the bathroom. He's almost always awake first, so that he can take his time in doing what needs to be done without being pestered by anyone else. There is no need to write any letters anymore, but he finds himself craving the familiarity of the motion. He has nothing to occupy himself until his job at the evening festival but his own thoughts and remorse.  
He bites down on his knuckles and screams.


	2. melting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If all he can see in Gabi is Eren, how can he avoid his guilt?

"Did you see that, Reiner? Did you see how great I was?" Gabi grins at him, gleaming.  
He pats her head, the strands of hair catching between his fingers harsh and straw-like. "Yeah. You're amazing at this, Gabi."  
"Yeah?" The compliment fuels her, her eyes sparkling as she stares at him in wonder. He can't even remember what it was that Gabi had done, what'd animated her to the point that as she slides into her seat, her knees rattle the dining table in excitement. "When I inherit the armour, I'm gonna finish what you started. I'm gonna butcher all those island devils, and I'm gonna make you proud from inside me!"  
"Yeah." Reiner's mouth feel likes lead as he smiles. "I'm proud of you, Gabi."  
She feels something's wrong, that Reiner's not his normal self, but she can't peg what it is.

Of course she can't. She couldn't ever understand.

The food that's put in front of them is hot and fresh. Reiner's treat to Gabi, for her hard work.  
"Thank you, Reiner!" She smiles at her cousin. He smiles back at her, and he can't help the fondness in his chest. "I haven't eaten out in ages…"  
Nobody in the internment zone has the money to eat out. So many of them hardly have the money to eat.  
It's a steaming soup, with chunks of potato wedged in it, and indulgent froth floating on its surface.  
It reminds him of their meals during their days as cadets. They'd never had anything as grandiose as this simplistic meal, but something about it hits him with an insurmountable nostalgia…

Gabi digs in, messily ripping the loaf of bread and using it to scoop up the soup before cramming it into her mouth, almost in desperation. "Aren't you gonna eat, Reiner? It'll get cold."  
"You shouldn't eat so messily," Reiner chides, his heavy voice lighter than the lead settling in his stomach. "Act more ladylike." He feels overcome with nausea, but he always is. And he's lost enough weight as it is; he forces himself to put each piece into his mouth, one by one.  
Gabi frowns at him, flakes of bread glued around her mouth with the soup. "But, I don't wanna be ladylike. I wanna be like you!"  
"Like me, huh?" The green in Gabi's eyes doesn't look like Gabi's anymore. "Someone's said that to me before."  
"Well, they're gonna have to get in line," Gabi says, her attention already refocused on her meal, and which way to best ravage it.  
He can only manage to hold down half of the plate before nausea builds up inside him. Gabi finishes it for him, but not before a concerned look in her wide eyes.  
Those fucking eyes.

She's less enthusiastic as he walks her home, the skip in her step deflated. It's Reiner who's pumped the air out.  
"It's Miss. Pieck's birthday tomorrow," she says, her voice strained.  
A fist of guilt punches him. "Yeah, I know." He smiles down at Gabi. "I got her something, but you can't tell her what it is, alright?"  
"I heard Mr. Galliard saying he got her something too.."  
"Oh, yeah?" He folds his arms definitely. "I bet mine is better."  
Gabi giggles, childishly. "You're gonna have to see which she likes best."

The light's vanished, only moonless darkness filtering in through his window. He's perched on the edge of his bed, his back aching fruitlessly for something to rest against.  
Gabi reminds him of Eren. The fire in their eyes, their passion, their… goodness.  
Eren was always better than Reiner. His intentions had always been honest, his motives driven by unselfish determination. His morals hadn't been defiled. Not like Reiner.  
He grips his head in his palms, his ragged breathing filling them with humidity.  
"What do I have to do to be like you, Reiner?" Eren had said it in desperation, in one of his rare moments of self-pity. But it'd stuck with Reiner.  
Why, Eren? Why would someone like Eren, ever want to be like him?  
He huffs, a bitter laugh that evaporates into the darkness.  
That's gone and done now. Eren would never want anything to do with him, except to wring Reiner's neck of every last pathetic breath he could take.  
Birthdays? Restaurants? Honour? What did any of it even matter? None of it's anything he deserves, anything he'll ever be able to enjoy.  
But maybe someone like Eren could. Maybe someone like Eren could deserve that kind of joy.  
Someone better than himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic isn't exactly the best thing I've written, but I had to get these boys off of my chest.


End file.
